Sunday, August 10, 2014

Festival survival guide

1- Festival fashion

For 3 days you get to wear something different and fun, obviously outfits need to be planned in advance for this. But DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT underestimate or guess the weather. No doubt if you come fully prepared for the sun it will be pouring with rain. Make sure you pack and prepare for whatever hits you. Yes those plastic ponchos can be an eyesore but when everyone else is wearing one you'll feel a lot better than the people getting drenched. Even though you want to look your best, it's about enjoying yourself, so don't wear high heeled boots at the front of the crowd, that will just end in disaster.

2- The toilets

You know you're out of your comfort zone when you're scared to use the toilet. As if the toilets weren't bad enough, the fact that men and women share is beyond unthinkable. The first thing you'll obviously do is hunt for a decent toilet, and 20 opened portaloo doors later you'll find a toilet with no signs of blood or shit all over the floor. Number one of all rule is do not breathe in! It can be a challenge trying to fasten up your shorts and hold your breathe before you can cup your hand over your mouth and breathe again. Depending on what you've ate you should be able to hold a number 2 for 3 days, I managed it. The most important thing is to use hand sanitizer as soon as you come out to remove any signs of lurgy or plague that come with the toilet.

3- Food

The difficult thing about a festival is deciding which food to bring and what to buy there. Seeing as festivals usually ban any barbecues from the campsite it's definite that you'll have to buy hot food there, and it comes at a high price so prepare at least £50 for the weekend. To save you a lot of money and keep you going throughout the day make sure you bring plenty breakfast bars and biscuits. If you feel guilty that all you'll be eating is junk then don't because that's literally the only thing available there that's of a decent price. Cheese burger and chips for dinner then chicken burger and chips for tea, the definition of healthy eating right there.

4- Weather

"I'll be alright, if it rains I'll just get wet" said 99% of people going to a festival. Think again, imagine all day rain constantly falling none stop leaving the ground so muddy it's capable of some kind of mud bath spa treatment. Even if it's a cheap mac from Primark or an old one from the back of your wardrobe, it's worth taking to save you from the soaking unpleasant walk back to the campsite. Britain is the place where you can expect rain, sun and snow in one weekend so make sure you have prepared for all of this! Nothing worse than being at a festival with itchy and irritated sunburn matched with a hot flush. Please make sure you pack the sun cream and aloe vera for those of you who are sadly too late.

5- Gig atmosphere

Just because you're in an open field doesn't mean you're not going to get the experience of a sweaty enclosed pub gig. The flying beers seeping into your hair leaving a tacky, knotty texture will be 10x more likely as well as the occasional cup of piss. Disgusting. There's nothing worse than realising a cup of beer that has been thrown is warm rather than cold. Worse scenario is it dripping into your wellies leaving your feet soaking in a strangers piss for the whole day. Along with the gig atmosphere comes the selfish annoying people who decide to push in and stand right in front of your view, yes they are arseholes, but no it's not worth it ruining your time. It's likely they'll end up moving away after the cold stares of the people around them anyway so hold your temper. Oh and last but not least, DON'T be one of those people who complains about being touched or pushed around too much, after all what did you expect?

6- First aid kit

You may tut and moan at your mum for constantly telling you to pack the first aid kit, but for once in your life listen to your mothers wise words. Believe me, none stop gig atmosphere's can cause serious pains and bruises, especially if you're at the front. Be prepared and take some healing creams, pain easing creams and after sun cream, basically a lot of creams. The most common cause of pain at a festival is the most annoying of all... blisters. Think about it, you're wearing wellies practically all weekend and they're not the easiest shoe to perform well in a mosh pit so expect a few blisters. No matter how cliche the saying is, it's better being safe than sorry (or sitting in your tent feeling sorry for yourself).

7- Camping equipment

Knowing that you're hardly going to be in the tent brings bizarre thoughts into your head that anything will do. Wrong, this is the time when you need to relax and sit back from the festival with a few drinks by your side. My worst regret was taking a stool chair to a festival instead of a camp chair because I thought it would be lighter to carry when in fact it was around the same weight. You're not going to sit down properly all weekend so the least you could do is get yourself a comfy camp chair and do your legs and back a favor. As well as sitting necessities, there's sleeping necessities. Buying a spongy sleeping mat is essential if you don't want the pain of sleeping on a brick all night, also the sleeping bag is supposed to keep you warm so make sure you buy a thick one or else you'll spend the night shivering like an Eskimo in an igloo (but saying that, the Eskimo would probably be warmer than you).

8- Early bird tickets

Obviously if you want the best camping place you need to get the early bird ticket It can be more helpful as it will allow you explore the festival and be the first ones to know where you're going so you can get to the stage quick enough. If you think you'll be able to save your friends a place for their tent, think again. It's almost impossible to save a space for another tent especially when you're off out exploring, so wise up. Next time it's a definite that I'll be getting the early bird ticket, it's just too much of a hassle finding the last spots to pitch up tent, then relaising you've just missed Haim on the main stage. Just be an early bird, okay?

9- The smell

After a weekend of none stop litter, portaloos and seagull shit, you're going to stink and the campsite is going to stink. By the time it's the end of the festival the stench is pretty unbearable, and as you're packing away feeling depressed that it's over, you'll still be grateful that you'll be able to inhale clean oxygen when you get home. To make life a bit easier on the nose, keep a body spray in your bum bag and use it as an air freshener. You'll be grateful, your friends will be grateful and passer by's will be grateful. Be the hero and take a body spray.

1 comment :

  1. This post is so accurate after being to three consecutive festivals this summer I have to say I never want to see a portaloo or a baby wipe again! Definitely amazing fun all round though.

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